before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize