I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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