I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
