One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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