I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
