I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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