"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
