Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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