Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
