I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
