I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sorry about my life...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
