I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
