you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
