we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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