Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
