I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
