an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
