I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
