Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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