I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
