You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
