just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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