I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
