wanna go halves on a baby?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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