If that was your dad, he is hot
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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