Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
