Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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