: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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