bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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