shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
