She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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