there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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