so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize