I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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