just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
