you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
