i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
