And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
