I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
