He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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