Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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