oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
