She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
