Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
