I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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