Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
