And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
