I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
