Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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