Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
