her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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