I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
