She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just found puke in my bra..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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