just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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