I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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