she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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