I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
