I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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