but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dick very happy bro
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
