he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You are the jesus of drinking
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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