yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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