you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
