I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
