I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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