What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
