Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
