I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
