Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
