There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
