I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
